[at-l] Ain't It th' Truth--I'm SO Embarrassed

[pudscrawler at aol.com]

 Subject: Fw: North & South  
>   > >  
>   > > 
>   > > The North has Bloomingdale's, 
>   > > The South has Dollar General
>   > > 
>   > > The North has coffee houses,
>   > > The South has Waffle Houses.
>   > > 
>   > > The North has dating services,
>   > > The South has family reunions.
>   > > 
>   > > The North has switchblade knives,
>   > > The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
>   > > 
>   > > The North has double last names,
>   > > The South has double first names.
>   > > 
>   > > The North has Indy car races,
>   > > The South has stock car races.
>   > > 
>   > > The North has Cream of Wheat,
>   > > The South has grits.
>   > > 
>   > > The North has green salads,
>   > > The South has collard greens.
>   > > 
>   > > The North has lobsters,
>   > > The South has crawfish.
>   > > 
>   > > The North has the rust belt,
>   > > The South has the Bible Belt.
>   > > 
>   > > FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . 
>   > > 
>   > > Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and
> bait in the same store....do not buy food at this
> store.
>   > > 
>   > > Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is
> plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
>   > > 
>   > > Get used to hearing "You ain't from round
> here, are ya?"
>   > > 
>   > > Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be
> instructed later on how to use it.
>   > > 
>   > > Don't be worried at not understanding what
> people are saying. They can't understand you either.
>   > > 
>   > > The first Southern statement to creep into a
> transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the
> adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most
> Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
> this way. All of them are in denial about it.
>   > > 
>   > > The proper pronunciation you learned in school
> is no longer proper.
>   > > 
>   > > Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid
> defense here
>   > > 
>   > > If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all,
> watch this," you should stay out of the way. These
> are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
>   > > 
>   > > If there is the prediction of the slightest
> chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow,
> your presence is required at the local grocery
> store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything
> or not. You just have to go there.
>   > > 
>   > > Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds
> own their own shotguns, they are proficient
> marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
>   > > 
>   > > In the South, we have found that the best way
> to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it
> and call it a driveway.
>   > > 
>   > > AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South
> and bear children, don't think we will accept them
> as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in
> the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
>   > > 
>   > > Send this to four people that ain't related to
> you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country
> music song 'fore you know it. Your kin would get a
> kick out of it too!
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